UPDATE: Ok, I still think I'm right in the criticisms below, but schmoozing the wealthy sure has paid off for them. This is fantastic news.

Dear Moravians,

I like you. I like visiting you and spending money on you. I think what you got going over there is pretty good. But I have a couple of questions.

Why are you so afraid of dogs? Really, you are armed with all kinds of hammers and saws and axes and you run away from my elderly pooch? Literally, run away. And the no pets signs everywhere? What’s up with that? A dog’s gotta dog, y’know?*

Also, why is your admission fee structured the way it is? I know all you can think about is the Fancy Decorative Arts Museum and how that’s a prestige project and all your wealthy (I mean, wealthy) friends love it, but why do I have to choose between looking at it (and paying to look at it) or only looking at two of your seven historic buildings (that aren’t gift shops, that is)? Think about how that works for the family with three kids and a dog who all want to see the artisan shops in the historic area –which is what you are known for despite what your wealthy friends tell you—but can only get into two unless they pay the extra ten dollars that gets you into the FDAM which your three kids don’t want to see and you are not going to drag them into anyhow. If I’m paying to see your site, I want the option to see all seven historic buildings at a reasonable price. I don’t want to be forced to pay extra for something I’m probably not going to see just to boost the numbers on the FDAM, thereby restricting my access to the things I do want to see. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all those rambunctious toddlers and sullen teens do visit the FDAM. But something tells me the candle-dipping is a bigger draw.

And why is your website—nicely designed, btw—so vague about special event information. What is happening when at what time, specifically? Why is the navigation of the site so non-intuitive. Moravians, you are known for being technologically forward thinking. Always have been. Arbeit an diesem, bitte.

Finally, why are you carrying so few books on Moravian history in your bookstore when you shelves are filled up with ghost story books and partisan right-wing policy books. And why don’t you sell pipes in your gift shops anymore?

Moravians, I love you. I think you are way cooler than the other small peace-loving denomination that lives in this area. I guess that’s why I’m feeling this so strongly.

Your friend, etc., etc.

p.s. You should have trombone bands playing all the time. It’s Easter and I didn’t hear one trombone. That’s not like you.

*Seems inconsistent, I know, considering my post below, but why is fear of dogs an all or nothing thing with people? Surely you can distinguish between a pit bull on a tear, and my feeble, limping, tail-wagging animal, and act accordingly?